The Bridge is brought to you by the New York Daily News. The News is the home of my two favorite columnists, award winning sports writer, Mike Lupica and legendary music critic Jim Farber. Lupica’s tough but fair analysis of New York sports teams makes him the voice of reason in a city filled with front running fans and reactionary writers. And Farber is the most cynical honest music critic in New York. Very few mainstream reviewers are willing to rip an album apart the way he does. You can read the paper online at nydailynews.com, but it’s not the same. I miss my paper. I miss my city!

I mean…live from beautiful Orlando, Florida, this is the premiere edition of The Bridge. Between Friday and Tuesday, when new albums are released, the flow of music news completely dries up. No updates equals no traffic when you’ve got a newsboard. So, this column is an effort of bridge the gap with a recap of the week’s big stories. So let’s get things rolling with the biggest story of all.

The Word ‘Best’ Gets Thrown Way Too Much These Days

According to Baby, he and R. Kelly are putting the finishing touches on the sequel to last year’s flop The Best Of Both Worlds. All I remember about that album is R. not making it to the press conference with Jay-Z and Russell Simmons. Why? Because he was in court being indicted on twenty one counts of child pornography. The tour supporting the album was cancelled and the bootleg sex video wound up selling ten times better. Is America ready to hear R. Kelly sing about touching girls’ “little bodies” again? And does anybody want to hear it while Baby raps about the wheels on his car and the platinum slugs in his mouth?

Baby: You know that new blue Yukon with the rally stripes that my dog, Fresh had first? With the candy paint and a tv where the air bag should be? Look like it got frog eyes?

R. Kelly: Best…Of….

Baby: I got that shit on DUBS!!!

R. Kelly: Both….Worlds….ohhhhHHH!

Um, no. What Kels needs to do is let his twin brother Avant hold the spot down and get his legal affairs in order. If I were him, I wouldn’t waste time putting out albums. Then again, who knows how much free time he has left. That trial is coming up real soon.

Avant: When you want the R. Kelly look and sound without those pesky sex charges.

5-Time! 5-Time! 5-Time!…..

Last week, DMX became the first artist in history to reach #1 on the Billboard charts with his first five albums. First week sales for Grand Champ were much lower compared to his last three releases. This wasn’t surprising considering how bad The Great Depression was and the fact that most fans expecting to get this album six months ago. With Grand Champ, X has gone back to the producers (Dame Grease and Swizz Beatz) and lyrical intensity that made him top dog in the rap game seven years ago. Too bad we’ll only hear him on soundtracks from now on. In an interview with SOHH.com, X explained why this will he’ll only be making movies from now on: “I’m sick of the rap game. I’m sick of this fuckin’ industry, you know what I’m sayin’? It’s run by the devil and 99% of everybody you deal with is a snake. It gets tired after a while, you know what I’m sayin’?. And I know The Lord has a calling on my life, you know what I’m sayin’? I’m not going to do both.” Then he screamed “What?!?”, growled and bit the interviewer.

If you really had nothing to hide, you’d take those damn sunglasses off.

Dear Mr. Spector::

Since you posted bail, you’ve been telling anyone who’d listen that a suicide took place at your house in February. Did going to the press help O.J. and Robert Blake’s cases? OK, maybe those are bad examples. They killed their wives. You paid a million dollars in bail. You should have just enjoyed the free time and produced an album. The LA County Coroners Office has ruled the death a homicide and now you look like a liar. A murdering liar. You’ve got the non-rhyming member of the Dream Team defending you, so you may wind up getting off. But I doubt it.

In Other News…

-Alicia Keys’ album was pushed back to coordinate touring plans. The Strokes’ has been delayed a week due to packaging problems. Courtney Love’s America’s Sweetheart won’t be out until next year because Linda Perry isn’t finished writing it yet.

– Death Row Presents: 2Pac Nu-Mixx Klazzics an album that featurez remixez of the rapper’z biggest hitz, will be released on October 7. I say, don’t put any more money in Suge Knight’s pocket. If Tha Row is out of unreleased material, there are better Tupac remix albums to be had. Rap Phenomenon II was put together by three of the country’s best DJ’s and its title doesn’t wage an all-out assault on the English language. I’m sick of hearing ‘Pac songs, and I liked it. Here’s a preview:

-Everlast signed with Def Jam last week. Uncle Kracker has already taken his “mediocre white singer with a guitar” thing and ran with it. Bubba Sparxx makes more people jump around than he ever did. Unless he’s joining The Inc. and doing another song getting at Eminem, Whitey (Ford) should give it up.

Plugs

-That Girl from theprincessdrea.com wrote a review of A Perfect Circle’s new album. Hopefully, we’ll be hearing more of her on this site.

–Pitchfork Media gets a mention here because they gave Liz Phair’s album the 0.0 rating it deserved. Damn sellout.

– A new radio mix will be up in the next week or so.

–Blazin’ Mixtapes is the place to go if you want… well, you know.

That’s about it for now. Until next week, The Bridge is over.

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